i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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