I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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