Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
