she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
