I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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