Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will be naked everywhere
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
