I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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