Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You may now shotgun with the bride
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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