The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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