somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
