During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
