I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
