Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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