You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
