I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
