I should be sponsored by Trojan
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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