Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
