I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There's even glitter on my cock...
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