I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
