would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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