Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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