Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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