I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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