All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
