Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
