i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
