i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
