I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
