Fuck appropriateness.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
