She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
