It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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