Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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