the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
