but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
