I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
