The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
