eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
