I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
