genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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