girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
