dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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