Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
