Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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