Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
