Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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