Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
