im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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