i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
