I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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