we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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