you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
