They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
