at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
