I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
